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Shadow of Death - EP

by Black Smith

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  • Streaming + Download

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1.
[Intro - Black Smith] Welcome! 'Shadow of Death' EP... Yeah! Uhhh, one word of caution, I suppose. Only one precuation... one word of caution Just leave all hope behind, I suppose... Y'know? If you continue to listen... y'know? Maybe you don't. But you will soon. Let's go! [Hook - Anthony Hamilton] Since I seen't you, we've been peoples You're my equal, this love is see through I wanna keep you I wanna be with you [Verse 1 - Black Smith] I don't wanna live no more Sometimes I hear Death knockin' at my front door I'm livin' everyday like a hustle: another night, no slumblah Another day, another struggle, uh My pockets empty, emotions jumbled My heart grown cold as the Arctic tundra The weed is tumbled, a freak of Nature Like chaff in the wind: no Muse, no neighbors My thoughts is huddled, but my spirit's angry (I mean) One wrong move, I'mma gun off "safety" "Approach with Caution," as such address me 'Cause pressure's boiling and got me stressed, B Ain't seen my mother in damn near two weeks And despite good reason, I just feel guilty Can't wash my hands clean; the load's too heavy But I guess I'm blessed to still be here breathing (I guess) I fear the end is near and her days are numbered Like the hairs of my head, just cut much shorter Wish I could do more, be there more often But Insomnia could make that highway a coffin Still I press my luck, see, and test my limits Fuck I look like carin' 'bout attendance?!? 'Cause school won't save me, a B.A. is lonely If I fall back on that, then my soul be empty 'Cause the pen runs dry still after it bleeds The weight on my mind makes blur the beauty, Reality's, sneakin' up on me Fuck MC Hammer! I am Thor---can't touch me! Fuck all my doubts, fears, and negative thoughts...---- Shit, who am I kiddin'? Guess I gotta carry that cross Y'know? Since I seen't you... [Hook - Anthony Hamilton] Since I seen't you, we've been peoples You're my equal, this love is see through I wanna keep you I wanna be with you [Verse 2 - Black Smith] Said my thoughts was huddled, but my spirit's angry 'Cause it feel like the whole Earth tryna strain me Fatigue, Exhaustion... why must y'all test me? The chance to end it all right now is tempting Quite selfish of me... I understand that But do you know what it's like to have the world on your back? No Atlas am I, no map to go by Now "No Direction" is the band I live by Please God, forgive me; these thoughts aren't holy But sanctity ain't quite the "in-thing" to poor weeds My faith is dwindling---mustard seed, no water Plus campus life ain't quite the most fertile soil Misery need comp'ny--- checked my surroundings Thousands attendin', yet Depression the loudest!!! Club's overflowing, and threatenin' to drown me In a room full of hoes I've never felt so lonely Shit's startin' to trap me, a Pyrrhic victory Just a pointless battle and I'm low on energy Adjust accoutrements, and sound the retreat Fuck! The hell Depression still tryna follow me?!? Reality's, catchin' up with me Fuck MC Hammer, I am Thor---can't touch me! Fuck all my doubts, fears, and negative thoughts---... Shit, who am I kiddin'? Guess I gotta carry that cross... Since I seen't you... [Outro - Anthony Hamilton] Since I seen't you, we've been peoples You're my equal, this love is see through I wanna keep you I wanna be with you...
2.
[Intro] BLACK SMITH: You OK, though? MOTHER: I'm catchin' up with ya... BLACK SMITH: Yeah. MOTHER: I'm catchin' up with ya. Oh... you got...? Here, catch up with Madie... BLACK SMITH: What was that? MOTHER: Catch up with Madie! I'm catchin' up with her. BLACK SMITH: Oh, Madie? Oh! Did she call you? MOTHER: Well...we catchin' up with each other. BLACK SMITH: Well, that's good! Anybody else been comin' by to see you? MOTHER: Nobody's been by. BLACK SMITH: Nobody?? MOTHER: Yeah, nobody's been by. BLACK SMITH: No? Well, I'm sure some of the family's been through here, right? MOTHER: Huh? BLACK SMITH: I'm sure some of the family's been through here, right? MOTHER: Yeah, they'll come by... BLACK SMITH: Well, that's good! ...No one else from Ardmore, I guess? MOTHER: No... BLACK SMITH: Nobody from Ardmore...? MOTHER: Yeah, nobody else has been by. BLACK SMITH: Well...that's OK. I'm here. MOTHER: Huh? BLACK SMITH: I'm here! MOTHER: Yeah, you here. BLACK SMITH: I'll always be here. MOTHER: Thank you... [Verse - Black Smith] "I'll always be here" ---yeah, that’s what I told her And I meant every word as I was stirrin’ her Folger’s See, it’s a whole different world when that chip on your shoulder Becomes a whole different giant iceberg of a hurdle Truthfully a few years I lost control of my rudder Been stuck amidst a sea of fake faces and lovers Only person who really cares about me is my mother And all I’ve done is fuck around and watch Fate do a number Now the calls from you (that) a teenaged me would ignore Now reversed with such speed, I’m tryna outrace the Lord ‘Cause the pain you go through will eventually lead to the door Your neuropathy, my insomnia---a two-edged sword As the clock ticks counter to the ill will we got past I’m selfishly complainin’ ‘bout the migraine I still had And the first thing you did out of surgery was ask If my head felt better, now I’m feelin’ like an ass But, pain is the priority----scale rated an 8 Quite the totem for these 10s that I’m tryna chase That’ll make ya shake worse than a 9 in ya face Now I pray my own future don’t suffer the same fate They say kharma’s a bitch, mood swings in the Circle Of Life, so mine’ll eventually ride out in a hearse, so I’mma try to make my headstone that one in the corner The foundation of remembrance---only deservin’ Now to the woman who gave up her own life for another You raised a better man than any absentee father I’m sorry that over the years I gave you such trouble Hope that for what you put up with, God extends yours a couple No lie, some nights I’ve screamed my head off at the sky Tryna search for an answer, an explanation for why You ended up in the condition in which you currently lie Former nurse who made the sickest beds a little less trite I wish the check Reality wrote me would’ve bounced instead Or reimbursed for the monsters that still live in my head But the company was needed, I suppose that’s the best A nigga like me could do without a great deal of bread Only a matter of time until your Fountains abode Transforms into a mansion where the rivers’a flow I hope the Dude upstairs makes good and promotes Your guardian angels to watch me while I’m down here alone (I mean) A throne just don’t mean much if the queen is a ho Hope the advice you drilled in me ain’t somewhere remote That the captain inside who dreamed of flyin’ boats Still reaches that goal and lets his own heart float And as your own memory fades, I’ve figured the way To keep yours in others minds is for me to live out the days I have left as if you still lived only miles away And make a mark on people’s lives that’ll never erase Said you beginnin’ to lose the hearing in your left ear And here I am, wallowing safely in all my fears Pride tryna convince me that I’m fakin’ my tears But no amount of strain could make me demolish those years All those sleepless nights, all that heated strife Lookin’ back, every argument just seem trife Overheard your sighs of pain: "Oh what a life" But I gotta make you proud; only reason I ain’t take mine… [Outro] BLACK SMITH: I love you, Mom. MOTHER: Huh? BLACK SMITH: I love you! MOTHER: I love you too, baby. BLACK SMITH: Gah... You'll be OK... You all right? MOTHER: ...Yeah... BLACK SMITH: I love you. MOTHER: I love you too. BLACK SMITH: It's OK...
3.
prod. Ennio Morricone Samples "La Resa Dei Conti" (The Clock Music), from the "For A Few Dollars More" soundtrack (1965). Sample used with attribution. Features additional vocals from Terrick Washington.
4.
Bad News 02:37
[Intro - Kanye West] Didn't you know, I was waitin on you Waitin on a dream that'll never come true Didn't you know, I was waitin on you My face turned to stone when I heard the news When you decide to break the rules Cause I just heard some real bad news [Verse - Black Smith] Over 90 on the highway, Insanity made me bold Who'd have known pressure this hot would've made me cold? Pushin' pedal to the medal on this midnight road Passed four cops--- thoughts overload my dome: T-Dub just called me to try and let me know That Aunt Madie's been worried, hittin' up my phone Now I don't wanna answer; "no reception zone" 'Cause what the other end's got will disrupt my mode My mind's so cloudy now, don't you know? Havin' to face the worst fear that I've ever known Rejected outright, 'cause the truth just hurts Once I thought I was on top, now I feel like dirt If you knew what pain does to ya, you would too Yeah, look at all the bullshit that I been through Been livin' this life since '92 Barely twenty years old, and I've lost all root The most violent act that I've ever done Was wheelin' my mom back into that nursing home Tears rolled from my eyes in the next bathroom Once the nurse said she'd never go back home Dream turned to nightmare in just one second Assault and battery to my psyche with a deadly weapon Forced to sit right there and count the blessings While I try my best in vain to feed my mom her second's But the knife cuts deep when you least expect it The damage most real when love misdirected And the loss is worse when you're disconnected From reality, shit's all self-inflicted Mom once said, "Live for what you dying to be" I said, "I live for the day you let a smile be seen" 'Cause the look on her face was a mirror of me And Depression left behind one hell of a scene So I masked my emotions---what an alien thing! Went to class, went to work, like a mannequin being Relationship with Lies was the shortest of flings Proposed to shawty named Hope but she rejected the ring So I tried to forge on like nothing was wrong Even played for my Mom a couple my own songs Meanwhile her days are slowly tapering off Memories of past life in the mistiest fog Now I'm drivin' through one, with no end in sight Two hours en route been the loneliest night Always feared this day, wish I'd take flight But at this moment I've lost what's wrong, what's right Can't imagine my life without her in it 20 years of a bond this night now ended 62 years of life no more extended Just hell on earth these past 5 uncorrected Is this my fault? Could I have mended These broken bones and tired tendons Was focus lost? Due service rendered? Just bad news I wish Time never tendered My faith has wavered, I'd like some proof Of better days to come, what's left to chew? Just reinforces what I've come to conclude: Anything's possible, but nobody's special...so what's the good news?
5.
[Hook - Frank Ocean] Human beings in a mob What's a mob to a king? What's a king to a God? What's a God to a non-believer Who don't believe in anything? Will he make it out alive? Alright, alright, no church in the wild [Verse 1 - Black Smith] Picture, if you will, an idyllic existence Suddenly transformed to violent resistance Revolutionized by tribal descendants But, dissonant stains persist throughout the present Communication subbed by spiritless religion True love swapped for heartless legislation I've looked toward the heavens for peace and understanding But at the edge of the precipice, patience is non-existent As I journey to and fro, on and off this college campus I search for some meaning amidst the non-acceptance A cure for the pain, couple pills for the shame A dollop of some dollars and a dash of Asian dames How else am I to deal with this pressure every day And the fact college and reality are not one and the same? I swear, the beats and breaks are the only way I've stayed sane In the wake of my mom not even able to use a cane [Hook - Frank Ocean] [Verse 2 - QUAY] Holy water splashed on my face The priest says you are saved From the devil. Rise to our level Then why is it I still feel heat upon my neck, though? Stand in Hell's kitchen, Lookin' for a pot to piss in I lost my mind Or is that the design? Hand demon grime Or is that just a crime? God, I promise I'm yours for the taking Soul's not forsaken; viewin' Revelations In the making... Then how can I break then? Prayers sent to stay alive This ain't life: this is church to survive! [Hook - Frank Ocean] [Bridge - The-Dream] I live by you, desire I stand by you, walk through the fire Your love is my scripture Let me into your encryption [Verse 3 - QUAY] Escaped from hell, now I'm on my way to Heaven I'll be there by seven I need to purify; that's one cold shower To get off essential fire--- that could take some hours Coke white suit Put some bakin' soda in it too Like the cleanest, ridin' dirty To the pearl gates, doin' a buck-thirty 5-0-1, to catch a future too Flashin' red in your blues Let's play a game with the rebel See who's the realest dead devil I live for this rush As I push upon the clutch Ten rays of light Hit my car, make me take flight Cops standin' amazed Cars turns ablaze One last praise: Tell me, God, am I saved?! (I wonder...) [Verse 4 - Black Smith] "Is hip-hop a euphemism for a new religion?" That's what Yeezy asked me once, with CuDi nearby sniffin' A rage has overcome the youth, dawn of a new rebellion Against old ways of thinking and outdated tradition 'Cause all those hollow practices no longer leave impressions When jail is all that's left for us when class is not in session Our minds were never freed; emancipation never happened So I fueled my sorrow into bars, came a new a convert to rappin' Student of the New Age bards without the pointless trappings But the end result of generations o' gats and desperate trappin' And since I'm more literate than the niggas that birthed it Tell these bastards that the Bard 'bout to be food for the vultures! [Outro - Frank Ocean] Will he make it out alive? Alright, alright, no church in the wild Ayyyyyyyy! No church in the wild Ayyyyyyyy!
6.
[Intro] I'm so used to my life with you around I believe that I need to be free I'm so used to my life with you around I believe that I need to be free... [Verse 1 - DJ Doo-Bay] Empty in my soul, darkness in my life, Try'na turn my shit around, 360--- Shaun White, Looking for happiness in all the wrong places, Retracin' my steps, figurin' out what this shit's laced with, Bracin' for the consequences of my actions, Wanna take back everything I said but can't retract it, Strugglin' to live my life to the very fullest, Duckin' and dodgin' all these self-aimed bullets, Lookin' down the tunnel standin on the track, Waitin' for the light but vast empty mass screams back, Longin' to hold you, longin' to squeeze you, If I had the chance I would hold it, hone it: I need you! [Hook] I don't care anymore, I don't care anymore I don't care anymore if I let you down I'm so used to my life with you around I believe that I need to be free I'm so used to my life with you around I believe that I need to be free... [Verse 2 - Black Smith] The thin line, between what's real and what's dreams I can finally see it now: nothing's what it seems Perception is the Judas, backstabbin' was the scheme Bloodless is my body now, drained like a latrine Apathy up in my brain, hollowest of themes Hopelessness is settin' in, diggin' my ravine Campin' in my habitat, ignorin' all my pleas Sadness got my consciousness burstin' at the seams Perfection all illusionary, deception the motif And I'm doubtin' my new vision will supply me any peace So if I get the chance to do one final thing I'll flip the world the middle finger right before I scream... [Outro] I don't care anymore, I don't care anymore I don't care anymore if I let you down I'm so used to my life with you around I believe that I need to be free I'm so used to my life with you around I believe that I need to be free I don't care anymore, I don't care anymore I don't care anymore, I don't care anymore...
7.
psychalgia / psy·chal·gia / (si-kal´jah) / noun pain, usually in the head and perceived as being of emotional origin, that may accompany intolerable ideas, obsessions, or hallucinations prod. willsmith1
8.
[Verse 1 - Black Smith] (Uh, yeah... All right. Yeah... yeah, uh!...) Front pew in Church, the left reserved for the family Still reelin' from the set of cards that Fate decide to hand me My mood is on shuffle, sendin' home the one who raised me Feel I let my mom down; now I can never wash my hands clean Consumed with makin' every single detail perfect I let slip my mind the thing that made it all worth it Her favorite song "Stand" listed on the church program And I left the track at home---now I'm heated like a furnace Never felt this worthless---how could I mess it up? Somethin' so important, that which mattered to the both of us! So upset, I ain't even hear the eulogy Why'm I actin' like stupidity is somethin' new to me? I really might as well be more used to it by now I only make it worse, and bring all of those who love me down Sulkin' in my seat, Depression lurkin' all around Can't lie no more: y'all will never know the sadness of a clown... [Verse 2 - Quentino] (Yeah... I guess what I could say is that... When I first saw her... I saw a bright light...) Back then, at the job, end up seein' her Didn't know what was goin' on Then I heard the news about a few years ago I was upset... and next thing y'know, end up goin' to the funeral Saw you at the front pew, and you lookin' at the casket Didn't know this was happenin', Thought it was a dream... Then I went up to the front, saw her in the casket I was a little sad... Looked back at you Never thought I would see you cry, but instead, bro, you end up standin' We got your back! Promise you bro: regardless of what goes on, we gon' be there Brothers to the end, man, and I promise you that Because it's came from the heart Even though this is just a whole new start... Yes indeed! I finally see, that, this is Paradise for her Because when she was in this world, she was sufferin' And now all of a sudden, I see that she's in peace Thank you, Lord, for takin' her somewhere Where she can be at peace and have her soul restin' Because in this place, there is no soul restin' All we do is deal with trials, and deal with blessings And since you done took her somewhere peaceful I know that she's got wings of an angel... [Verse 3 - Rob Carta] (Yeah! ...OK...yeah!) It's OK, son; God got her now I never experienced this, but I can sympathize But just know this---She's lookin' down on ya With a big smile, and her arms open Sayin': "Keep pushin', and don't never stop And just trust in God, and keep your head high And when you wanna quit, just think of me And I promise ya that those trials'll flee 'Cause I'm with the Father, healed and free So when you see me, you won't even believe What God has done. And just to let you know I'm standin' now. Yes, I am, son! I know you remembered that's my favorite song So don't keep stressin', son, 'cause God knew your heart I'm proud of you, and I can't wait to see ya I love you, son; you was always my favorite And one more thing---Keep on dreamin' And always, stay prayed up..."
9.
[Verse 1 - Black Smith] May the souls of Pac and Big bless my pad and my pen No I.D. on the track--- let the story begin Or rather... the next chapter of pain novelized The next chapter in this Book of Life a brother write Back when I walked the altar and made these rhymes my wife I'd have never guessed I'd end up three years later despisin' life But retrospect can do the funniest things to time: Either you'll appreciate it more or deny it the co-sign, uh! I guess it's the own bed I've made So why even complain about havin' somewhere for my head to lay? If only I'd been able to make the Reaper's sickle sway: Exchange my life for my mom's and replace all my dismay But since that ain't the case, I guess I'll have to make do Quentino and Rob tried their best to dissuade me from rues And keep my complexion from remaining in blue But "Color Purple" reruns only bleed me a darker hue, uh! Last night I cried tears of joy! What did she do to deserve this? Know it's selfish expressin' dissent But if not, my spirit remissed They say she in better bliss Couldn't argue, pain won't be missed Still got my mind, so I guess I'm blessed But I can't dismiss distress, gotta get it off my chest No amount of ice could alleviate this pest Called Doubt, and what it's posed got me debatin' my own quest Yesterday I read my horoscope Tellin' me what I already know Hope my mother lookin' down, chucklin' at what I don't No more medical bed, so yeah, go 'head and float! [Hook - Cee-Lo Green] To all the loved ones I leave behind At least they can't see me cry And I ask, when someone wants to be me why Thought having everything would ease my mind If you could read my mind My God, I'm scarred, I have tattoo tears of joy [Verse 2 - Quentino] I remember back in the days When they was the good ol' days Cool and youthful, she was so beautiful Had niggas trippin' over her beauty She was a cutie, but tough as rock She wasn't easy to please She wasn't easy to satisfy Her hunger kept growin' She wanted a man, and I was a boy I tried to show off, but yet I got blown off And now I feel so lost, but I talked to another lost Then we both was found, just from the sound Of God tellin' us that we was meant to be This is our history, of our love story And if you hear this from somebody else, just know it's based on a true story I just wanna be able to show that I got tears of joys and not tears of sadness [Hook - Cee-Lo Green] To all the loved ones I leave behind At least they can't see me cry And I ask, when someone wants to be me why Thought having everything would ease my mind If you could read my mind My God, I'm scarred, I have tattoo tears of joy [Verse 3 - DJ Doo-Bay] Last night I cried tears of joy! While eating sushi with wasabi and soy Before this I had hard times as a boy, Mommaa gettin' beat and my Daddy on the floor, I would cry "why me?" prayin' to the Lord, Thoughts of death and suicide rise in an impressionable kid’s mind, Daddy stayed up late with his best friend Jack, Daniels not far gettin' throwed in back, Trying to decipher between fiction and fact, Why do I wake up blue and black? Momma, stickin' up, ended up gettin smacked, Brother act a fool the very next day, Pulled a butcher knife on me, said it ends this way, Momma stepped in--- the shit was cray, I look at you and you kept me sane That’s why I want you to bear my name, Saved me from darkness, pulled me out the fray, You and me down the aisle better save that day, You and me together forever, I pray, Never ever gonna let this go in vain! [Hook - Cee-Lo Green] To all the loved ones I leave behind At least they can't see me cry And I ask, when someone wants to be me why Thought having everything would ease my mind If you could read my mind My God, I'm scarred, I have tattoo tears of joy [Verse 4 - Kreative Tendencies] I never cared about how people viewed me I'm still better, 'cause I can look myself in the mirror I know I never followed the book, I'm not perfect Funny thing is, I'm a perfectionist, and I can still admit that I'm lost in a random mindstate, faux reality, but stuck in a real dream state I think we might go deeper, 'cause y'all ain't inceptin', So Imma keep beatin' y'all head till you get the message I'm awkward, but respect it, 'Cause I stay me, a concept these other niggas can't understand I feel invicible because of it, so sign me to the Eagles and let me fly 'Cause life is eat or get ate, and past tense I'mma do two more than Jordan, nigga; I already eight! I wanna win I want rings, and I'm not stoppin' now, I might get nine or ten, I wanna win. So tell the world we gon' win Tell O-City we gon' win And I ain't stoppin' there, baby, I have no reason!! [Outro - Cee-Lo Green] To all the loved ones I leave behind At least they can't see me cry And I ask, when someone wants to be me why Thought having everything would ease my mind If you could read my mind My God, I'm scarred, I have tattoo tears of joy
10.
[Verse 1 - Black Smith] Layin' in bed; cold room with the lights off Layered under blankets, thick sheets; now the fight's on 34 degrees, 3 A.M., and the heat's gone Quiet 'nough to hear my heart's thump as the beat's goin' Writin' in the dark, no reflection on my iPhone Screen goin' black, soles as worn as some fly clothes Wonder if my lids closed, would they let my soul go Floatin' up to heaven or down below where the scum thrown? Planted weak seed, I suppose that my reap's sown Thorns in my side, now I know why my flow's choked Mind's not even clear, though; spirit's feelin' weak more Anger pent-up the only flames that I think stoked Now I wonder why so? What's the source of my pain? Brain wanders back a few years to search for my shame Teen hormones, didn't wanna share my mom's name Now that I'm alone at home, arguments seem a lot tame Suppose I was askin' for it--- ingratitude was my thang But even if that's true, why was suffering my mom's fate? Were there better options, or was this carved already in slate? Never doubted God, but maybe cruelty's one of his traits Lookin' at my mom's face, barely recognized then Wished the past year hadn't made her look so different Loneliness crept in, burrowed through my thick skin Say you real, God--- I need divine intervention [Hook - Kanye West] Hey hey hey hey Don't say you will, you will you will Hey hey hey hey Don't say you will, if you will, I pray you will [Verse 2 - Oliver] I keep tellin' myself that it doesn't matter, that time will erase all wounds before I can remember them, because my body is a dry erase board that doesn't keep score And I wish it was that easy, but I know, That truth is often lost between forgiveness and retribution, so the solution Resides in the passage of a linear marker that can't give me any sense of resolution Destitution is caused in part, By lookin' around and seein' nobody in my heart So, I have a 50/50 shot, and that's fine 'Cause if it's me, then I'm in the lead, or I've fallen behind So can this feeling really be mine? ...Right! I must've finished last because I'm sayin' this in hindsight But it's in my mind's eye--- inside me And, man, I really fuckin' hate bein' alone I wonder if my mind's eye can cry like me 'Cause if it can, then I wonder if my mind's eye can moan The truth is only revealed if it's shown Which means you have to find it if you're not afraid to look deep I guess that's why the fearful fall, 'cause true men aren't afraid to take that leap [Hook - Kanye West] Hey hey hey hey Don't say you will, you will you will Hey hey hey hey Don't say you will, if you will, I pray you will [Verse 3 - JCM] I'm walkin' through the valley of shadow of death And every time I exhale it's a shallower breath Lookin' upward to the summit, the goal of my quest Until I'm standing at the peak, I ain't ever gon' rest And yes, I know the fuckin' Reaper's on a quest of his own, but I protested him Wrestled for the life I control, of course I bested him Think you got a crew who could stop me? Then send the rest of 'em Been looking for a place I can perch, I'll build the nest with em Whoa, I know right now my words sound sorta bold Feelin' myself at the moment, but that ain't always so So, I take you back to the desolate road The home of all of my trials, you can see them unfold Every blow is represented by a crevice, And they threaten me with sentencing to chambers down below And I'm haunted by the ghosts of those who said I couldn't go, Broken rubble marks the scuffles with my friends and with my foes Had to overcome, or else be overrun Gotta start at zero, before I'm number one They wanna talk real shit, but i say hold your tongue You gotta wait for your turn, and I ain't close to done I know the end of this journey got something for me By the time I settle, I'll tell a hell of story But for the moment just kick your feet up and watch As I put the whole world right under my key and lock, yeah! [Hook - Kanye West] Hey hey hey hey Don't say you will, you will, you will Hey hey hey hey Please say you real, for real, I pray you will [Verse 4 - DJ Doo-Bay] Rise and fall of a nation; leader born for greatness Destined to be more than just complacent Rated over his competitors Or maybe "overrated" is a better term, Broke through the mold of a stereotype To show I can rap... and also write Creatin' chances, livin' up to the hype Lyrics golden, like an underground Gooney ruin Call me Porky: I’m goin H.A.M on this Looney Tune Don’t try to shut me down or count me out I'm at the top surfin' up on the clouds Everybody wants me as a guest spot Man, look at me now! I'm done pretendin that I'm the shit I knew that way back when I was a kid I started out with a dollar and a dream Grew up wanted to be what I saw on MTV In the city that never sleeps we stay up all night Don’t need weed because I'm high off of life Always gonna be me when I step up on the mic Just tryin' to let you in on what the top feels like While being the best whether it's wrong or right I know one thing's for certain: You'll see my name in flashing lights, Boy, this is what victory sounds like...
11.
[Verse 1 - Black Smith] As I lay myself down to sleep I hope for one night at least I'm granted slight relief Class work pilin' up, barely Red Bull in my cup Mixin' it with Tylenol PMs 'cause I like the stuff Wishin' for escape from a reality that's too severe Can't even wind down, slumber broken by some Paul Revere Yellin' that I stay awake and rush to battle with myself I answer (the) bastard's call with sincerity, tell him "Break yo'self!" And now I'm pacin' back and forth, awaiting maintenance on my floor Bracin' for that one day of my Waterloo that's left in store The score ain't even settled yet my eyes are shiftin' toward the door Can't even crack the code in this case to close my lids no more Defenses too poor against the nocturnal monsters of my mind Brick by brick, bar for bar, they dismantle walls set up from my rhymes Forgotten horrors realized terrorize and tore my temple's veil Blasted through my double conscious with cannons and scorched the sail Now I'm danglin' from my feet, they hoist me up for my entrails I gotta admit defeat as the sun sets on my own hell But this loss is just results of my own sin 'Bout to be one hellish night if I keep on at the day's end... [Hook] (vocalizing) I can't feel my face What will I do? I can't feel my face What will I do Without you...? [Verse 2 - JOBE] As I lay my head down tonight I know the planets are aligned, I know its alright Yeah, it's all A-grade: life's a test--- A grade! My mind starts wanderin' through high school and 8th grade How I got right here today How I got much more to say Act like I don't give a fuck, guess I gave 'em all away Yeah...that's not the attitude I wanted It's the attitude I fronted All the in-crowders were stuntin I just wanted to be one of them--- I wanted them to choose me Then I woke up one day and barely knew me Yeah! That was my moment of epiph Realized that I went and dropped the ball and lately I had missed All the marks I set out for myself; I wasn't even me no more I sat there lookin out the window tears would hit the floor Like this morning: I was overcome with fear Had to brush my teeth in the shower, could not look myself in the mirror ..That's when I said, this ain't a life worth livin' No suicide, I said: "Joe, we gon' get it!" (Yeah!) I see it's true the grass is greener; no blazin' It's finna be a good night if we continue with the day's end... [Hook] (vocalizing) I can't feel my face What will I do? I can't feel my face What will I do Without you...? [Verse 3 - Black Smith] As I lay my head down tonight, I hope the pills that I take will drown my tears and fright And permit me a chance to break through my own plight And let my soul for a second levitate and take flight Hope the cosmos grant me opportunity for clarity And pass me to a plane with no regard for gravity Ruminations 'bout space and time and life's brevity Culminate in experience lackin' hope or faith or charity So I down a pill or two, or three, when there is no use So my brain can finally take a break and let my body choose To enter that realm where the past is present, spirits on the loose I only find it fair, I've paid for quite a few my debts and dues Laid back, arms spread, motionless in an empty room Ignorin' all the signals---sure lucidity is at the loom Buried deep off in the recesses of cerebral dunes Lids low, but I've kept my word to always search for the truth Senses slow, chopped and screwed, hope the final message sent Passed from state to state, seventh heaven turnin' hell-bent Jolt awake, in my own inferno---recognize the scent Can't even feel my face at this point in the day's end... [Outro] (vocalizing) I can't feel my face What will I do? I can't feel my face What will I do Without you...?
12.
[Verse - Jhene Aiko] Out of place, out of space and time, Wide awake, out of papers, I'm Not okay, I am out my mind Outer space, that’s where I been goin' To a place where, place where nobody knows: floating At a pace where now you see me and now you don’t [Bridge - Jhene Aiko] I do not feel the fear of fallin', I wanna fly If it all goes well Then I will But what if I don't? I'll be right where I was before But I’m not alone [Hook - Jhene Aiko] You said take my hand, and we go (and we go), And we go (and we go) And I hope that we don’t overdose Cause we don’t (cause we don’t) No we don’t (no we don't) Ever know when we have had enough
13.
Still Alive 03:30
[Intro - Coldplay] Those who are dead, are not dead They're just living in my head And since I fell for that spell I am living there as well Oh... [Hook - Coldplay] Those who are dead, are not dead They're just living in my head And since I fell for that spell I am living there as well Oh... [Verse - Black Smith] Those who are dead are just living in our heads The reason, least me with me, why I can't escape the dread A double-edged type of dread that lives as both a threat To my health, and the saving grace with which my mom is left Alive in my memory, persistent she remains So as long as I have sanity, she walks with me each day But the scariest part about it all's the link must be maintained Between the images of her and the distance Death has made Even worse is the likelihood that as the clock keeps ticking I'll end up with the same disease that worsens Mom's dementia And Father Time will take from me the portraits and depictions Of my mother that I stored away as hand-me-down mementos But isn't that a part a life? Dichotomy's malignant So I guess I must continue, though the irony's indignant Only way to best my fear is being face-to-face with it So forgive myself as I let the beat ride for a minute... [Hook - Coldplay] {Instrumental passage} [Outro - Coldplay] Those who are dead, are not dead They're just living in my head And since I fell for that spell I am living there as well Oh... Those who are dead, are not dead They're just living in my head And since I fell for that spell I am living there as well Oh...
14.
[Verse 1 - Black Smith] Am I livin' my life right now...or just existin'? Can I somehow break through the mold and shape my own position? Am I the one to bring success to all my brother's doorsteps? Or am I the one to take the fall if grace should go on recess? Why must I find contentment within my own regression? Why can I not convince myself to climb out of depression? If mind is over matter, why's gravity keep buggin' me? And if all I need is love, why's self-hatred undermanning me? What is the reason behind my lack of patience? Will social stigmas gun me down if I were to go on rages? Is paranoia the source of my mind's everyday riotings? Or can meds reprimand my underhanded anxieties? Can I find a trace of solace amidst a place of madness? Can I find out a way to keep my id from wreaking havoc? Just how'd I get persuaded to play this game of chances When fate saw fit to curse my feet to take two lefts at dances? These are the questions that crowd my mind's ramblings They run and dash throughout my head, no care for what they're trampling But one day, i'mma put an end to my internal gambling And until it's time, I'll make it work, until I find the answers [Hook - Black Smith] Until it's time, let me issue this statement: Turned my back on all my doubts; yeah, I'm destined for greatness In a race against time, but I know I'm gon' make it With every 16 bars extending my 15 of famous [Verse 2 - Kreative Tendencies] Cold summers, hot winters. backward thinking Am I speakin' my mind, or spring creaming? Really living, or lucid dreaming? Fuck it! I can't think Grab the drink, grab the keys I'mma ride till I fix it Get in the car, hit the goose Start it up, hit the goose Press the gas as you hit the goose Drown the thoughts, switch lanes See lights, speed up Ha! We aint' goin' to jail tonight! Go fast, a sharp turn, spin out Cops screamin', "Get on the ground!" Fuck that! You'll never take me alive! Get hit three times, fall down Last breath, see a white light "Congratulations, you have now... [Verse 3 - Black Smith] ...died dreaming" I wake up, finally free of all my own mind's streaming And quickly put on paper what my own psyche's feeling But I can't mistake this state: that's my own spine tingling I made it to the other side, and now my stomach's fiending I've never felt this way, like my own soul's gleaming Survived the darkest days, came back kicking and screaming Now it's time to let the world know exactly what I'm thinking [Hook - Black Smith] [Outro - Black Smith] Until it's time, let me issue this statement: Turned my back on all my doubts; yeah, I'm destined for greatness In a race against time, but I know I'm gon' make it With every 16 bars extending my 15 of famous Until it's time, let me issue this statement: Turned my back on all my doubts; yeah, I'm destined for greatness In a race against time, but I know I'm gon' make it With every 16 bars extending my 15 of famous

about

On the fourth official Publish or Perish release, Oklahoma's very own Black Smith takes us on a journey through his mind during the events leading up to and directly in the wake of his mother's passing. A dark and brutally honest exploration of pain and uncertainty, the "Shadow of Death" EP paints a grave picture of the human condition. As the songs make clear, certain wounds don't always heal over time, but acceptance and perseverance can make life a little more tolerable, even if the situation is bleak.


Publish or Perish is a hip hop collective formed and founded by Austin Dobbins (a.k.a. Kreative Tendencies), Grant Dube (a.k.a. DJ Doo-Bay), and Jessie Smith (a.k.a. Black Smith). Associated acts also include Jason Quaynor (a.k.a. QUAY), Tyler Sutherland (a.k.a. CT), and Quentino (a.k.a. Quentin Roberts).

credits

released March 21, 2013

reissued 23 July 2013

VOCALS: Black Smith (all tracks); Anthony Hamilton (track 1); Patricia Elaine Smith (tracks 2 and 12); Terrick Washington (track 3); Kanye West (tracks 4 and 10); Frank Ocean (track 5); QUAY (track 5); The-Dream (track 5); DJ Doo-Bay (tracks 6, 9 and 10); Quentino (tracks 8, 9 and 15); Robert Carter (track 8); Kreative Tendencies (tracks 9 and 14); ; Cee-Lo Green (track 9); Oliver (track 10); JCM (track 10); Jobe Clabough (track 11); Jhené Aiko (track 12); Chris Martin (track 13)

PRODUCTION: Black Smith (exec.); Anthony Hamilton (track 1); Mark Batson (track 1); Mya Jones (track 1); ILLxLOVE (track 2); Ennio Morricone (track 3); Kanye West (tracks 4, 5 and 10); 88-Keys (track 5); Mike Dean (track 5); Nemesis (track 6); willsimth1 (track 7); One Tone (tracks 8 and 11); Hans Zimmer (track 8); No I.D. (track 9); Fisticuffs (track 12); Coldplay (track 13); Brian Eno (track 13); E.A. Productions (track 14); Nottz (track 15); Hiko (track 15) Queen (track 15)

MIXING AND MASTERING: Black Smith (all tracks), CT (tracks 2. 5. 10, and 11)

ALBUM AND SINGLE ARTWORK: CT (album artwork); Dr Monkey Designs (tracks 1, 4, 8, 9 and 11); Stealth Designs (@ElephantStealth) (tracks 2 and 10); Dylan Baadte (@DylanBaadte) (track 5); Jáel Lloyd (track 12)

SPECIAL THANKS TO: Publish or Perish; Partners in Irony; Patricia Elaine Smith, may she rest in peace; KTT; AliveSinceForever; All who listen

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Publish or Perish Oklahoma

Kreative Tendencies.
Dube.
Quentino.
CT.
QUAY.
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